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Dear David,
So remember how Anna blew up because she found my old Myspace account and thought I was cheating on her. Well, I wrote about it on my blog and a peculiar person kept telling me to basically grow a sac and dump her. It was weird because they wrote me twice and then they just vanished. I think it was Julie, you know, the psycho I dated a few years ago. She used to always make joke about the size of my anatomy because it was so gargantuan. It's a little creepy, but I actually let it slip to her that Aden isn't really my son! I would sincerely hope that she doesn't use any of that information against me, but you remember Julie and the possibilities with her are endless.

-Dietrich